My Nanna

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Smith, P.K. (2005). Grandparents and grandchildren. The Psychologist. November 2005, Vol.18 (pp.684-687). To a toxic grandparent, other grandparents are unimportant or non-existent. All the holidays and special events should be at their house, or else. If grandparents do wrong things talk about it, arrange visits to avoid the conflict but please poisonous author introduce some love and respect into the discussions.Remember these grandparents want to help, they are trying, they love their grandchildren who bring joy to their world and they want to help you, their child. As for the time of this comment, these things still happen, and I have no power to do anything about it. I understand how hurtful it is to hear your mom speak that way about your child. Even though she’s sort of being nice to you, she’s putting your daughter down and speaking of her as if she was just a nuisance, some pale imperfect version of you. Needless to say, it’s unacceptable. It needs to stop, even though she’s not doing it in front of her.

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Grooming” is when an adult builds an emotional connection with a child with selfish or nefarious intentions. It’s really frustrating and consuming. It’s more frustrating when you tell everything that’s happening to you to your friends, and when they meet the person in cause, they tell you “How can you say that things about this sweet elderly man?”The first person who made me see my mom”s behaviour is not normal is my current husband. With his help I have started to see how my mom manipulated me against my only child for years! And she is still doing it! She keeps telling me that my daughter is not as intelligent as me or as beautiful as I was when I was 16 etc. She NEVER tells these things when my child or my husband is present, she only manipulates me when I’m alone with her. I have a lovely, smart, beautiful daughter and there is no reason my mom should be talking about her like that. Her son? Totally alienated, he fears her so much that he would accept really anything, even if it hurts his own children. Surely when visits to grandparents reveal unwanted experiences as well as good ones the balanced parent will build on the good and either discuss or ignore the bad. My daughter does not like my mom that much, so she has probably seen there is something wrong with her behaviour. Thank God the other grandparents are normal, loving and caring people. I agree with your current partner. Your mother is exhibiting narcissistic behavior. It sounds like you’ve had a very close (i.e. enmeshed, codependent) relationship with your mom and grew up idolizing her. Your mom’s always been #1 in your life. But when you have a child, your child becomes #1, and it’s normal. Your mom has trouble accepting that. She sees your daughter (her own granddaughter!) as competition for your attention, another contender for her “narcissistic supply” (you), that used to belong to her entirely. So she tries to “eliminate” her by badmouthing her to you.

My Nanna — My Hero Joshua My Nanna — My Hero Joshua

As for my own situation, I failed to protect my daughter from my parents and they groomed her to hate me, beginning in her teen years. I failed to see what was going on and chalked it up to teen angst and not recognizing what my parents were doing to my child. By the time she was an adult, it was too late and hers and my relationship was utterly destroyed. She takes their side regardless of what the facts are or what anyone else tells her. I failed as a parent. TOXIC appears to be the latest buzz word in our society. My understanding is that clinically diagnosed Narcissism and Toxic mean the same. Dating an asshole is different than a family member “mistreating” you or being a narcissist. I’m not suggesting,”just brush it off” if a family member is being an ass, but what ever happened to love, patience, and maybe, just maybe, there are problems on both sides that could benefit a resolution rather than running away? I stand with you, I have the same problems with my MIL: she *always* goes against my rules, even if I protest. Gives my children the feeling that my rules are boring and useless: I must laugh at many of the things you say about grandparents. For example, you seem to think if a grandparent doesn’t remember a painful moment from their childhood, the grandparent is either lying s or conveniently forgets the things they’ve done from their parenting days. Do you even know anything about human interaction, emotions, development or what happens as a person age? How about perspective? People in this country need to get over their ‘crappy’ childhoods. We all have them at one point or another. My mom couldn’t even remember when I slapped her and called her a b**** when I was a teenager, and it bothered me all my life. Turns out, she either remembers the situation differently, or there was more than one incident. She told me how bad she has always felt because she slapped me when I was a teenager and she called me a b****. As a culture, we place importance on having an extended family, and grandparents are a big part of that. So they are often perceived as harmless old folks who love to spoil their grandkids.Apter, T. (2012). Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power. W.W. Norton & Company. Whenever you bring up painful moments from your childhood, the grandparent gaslights you by saying: “I don’t remember that,” or “You always exaggerate!” I will always be thankful for my Nanna and having her in my life for that short period of time. She was simply an amazing, kind-hearted woman. I simply wish she was still here. The guilt I feel lessens as each year passes. I’m proud to be her Grandson and I know she would be proud ( as she always was) to be my Nanna.

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This is one of the most harmful negative articles I have ever read. I think it is a case of scapegoating grandparents. It’s ok if you don’t approve my post, its ok if you don’t even read it, however, what do I have to say? Well…I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your nanna and grandad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through. Sarkis, S. M. (2018). Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People – and Break Free. Da Capo Press. Few months ago, I poured my heart out to him, and called out all of his emotional abuse during my childhood. He found a way to throw the guilt on me…

My Nanna - Etsy UK My Nanna - Etsy UK

A toxic grandparent also aims to be your kids’ favorite person so that they can take control of their hearts and minds. They aim to elicit sympathy and to remind everyone – kids and grandkids – that things need to be going their way, or else.

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Now, my daughter and I moved to a very nice house when I got married. My father went off. He went to my wedding but would not even pay for my cake. My husband and I paid for the entire wedding. After years enduring his treatment, while he constantly reminded me that he raised me, that I’m his “investment”, and without him I would be basically dead, I finally grew up and left for a new life away from him. I am certain, you have no love of family and no respect left for those people who did their best to raise you with the best of their knowledge. The grandparent’s role is not to challenge but to fit in with the family culture,” says J. Lane Tanner, M.D., at the University of California-San Francisco. “Parents delegate authority to the grandparent, not the other way around.” Quite simply, the grandparent is incapable of reflecting on their flaws and wrongdoings. They believe they were a great parent and that the issue is with you.