She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

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Kerner explains that foreplay can be an extended process that starts to build sexual tension hours before a sexual encounter. This was a newer idea in 2003 when She Comes First was published, as foreplay had previously been considered the sexual activities that come immediately before sex. Since the book’s publication, other sex experts have developed Kerner’s concept of foreplay even further. Most people think that success between the sheets depends on size and thrusting. But the truth is that women can orgasm in different ways, and not all are created equal. The key to the best orgasms for women is understanding the clitoris. Fair warning, what we’re about to get into is not safe for work. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t read it at home! Ian Kerner, PhD, is an American author and sex counsellor. He specializes in couples’ therapy and sex therapy but works with individuals on a regular basis as well. He is a frequent guest on popular TV shows such as “The Today Show” and “The Dr. Oz Show.” The entire clitoris actually goes from the top of the pubic bone all the way to the anus, and has a head, shaft, and base, among other parts. Some of it’s areas you can’t even see! Everything together makes up 8,000 nerve endings, which is more than anywhere else on the female body.

Stage four begins once you start pressing the head for five seconds after each cycle and start including a second finger. Stage five is the pre-orgasm period. Which is a preparation for stage six – when it’s best to hold your woman’s body in place so as to help her feel a more powerful orgasm. Other summaries give you just a highlight of some of the ideas in a book. We find these too vague to be satisfying. Once she’s adjusted to your finger, you can curl it up toward her belly button in a “come here” motion and press against the vaginal ceiling with your fingertip—this will stimulate her internal clitoral nerves. Once she’s adjusted, you can insert your middle finger as well. While you do this, you can integrate a more advanced move by pressing your hand to her mons pubis and pushing slightly upward—this will expose the clitoral head and make her more sensitive to your tongue strokes. The first one you know well. The second one is the cunnilingus and it’s a six-stage procedure. The last one follows the female orgasm. And is the only stage where intercourse comes in question. Never Forget These Three Assurances Sentence-Summary: She Comes First is sex therapist Dr. Ian Kerner’s guide to improving sex by emphasizing the female orgasm, explaining why changing your mindset about sex and focusing on the stimulation of the right places in the right ways can be more enjoyable than intercourse for both men and women.Shortform note: Before the first kiss, Kerner says you should give your partner a final burst of anticipation with pursed kisses on her vulva, potentially through her panties. While Kerner only briefly mentions using panties as a barrier to build anticipation, sex experts highly recommend this step. They also add that before removing her panties, you should ask your partner for her consent to do so. They elaborate that some women might want to keep their panties on throughout cunnilingus, especially if they have a highly sensitive clitoris.) Kerner defines foreplay as everything that comes before clitoral stimulation. He explains that stimulating your female partner before touching her clitoris is necessary because women require anticipation to become properly aroused. Ideas regarding sex in traditional mainstream culture are centered around male anatomy and satisfaction—penetration is the pinnacle of sex, and sex is over when the man ejaculates. However, Ian Kerner explains that these beliefs often leave women unsatisfied. In She Comes First, Kerner explains that for sex to adequately satisfy both partners, we must change the narrative—men should ensure their female partner orgasms first. And the best way to accomplish this, Kerner argues, is through cunnilingus. And penetration does that rarely and, even then – ineffectively. Female Sexual Arousal Is a Three Stage Process Some argue that the G-spot is in the vagina and that’s where the best orgasms happen. But the G-spot is actually part of the clitoris, and the reason it sets of pleasure signals is because it gets stimulated during intercourse.

When your session is over, make sure to give your female partner proper aftercare. Whereas men are usually tired after orgasm and want to sleep, women want to maintain intimacy. To sustain and deepen your sexual relationship, spend 10-15 minutes cuddling or talking. So while Kerner uses the linear four-phase model to explain the female sexual response process, his explanation of the resolution stage suggests that he actually views the female sexual response process as cyclical, not linear. How to Achieve Female OrgasmTo truly experience mutual pleasure, penetration can actually be left out completely. The only reason penetration and male ejaculation are necessary during sex is to procreate. Neither are needed if the goal is to make your female partner orgasm. After plateau, the next step is orgasm. Orgasm is when the built-up tension from plateau releases all at once. When orgasm occurs, the vaginal walls contract rhythmically and the woman will experience waves of pleasure for 10-20 seconds on average. Some women release ejaculate—Kerner notes that this is a unique alkaline liquid from the female equivalent of the prostate, not urine. First: the highly complex anatomy of the clitoris. Which has 8,000 nerve fibers and up to ten different parts. These are: the head, the G-spot, the public mound, the front commissure, the frenulum, the inner lips, the vaginal entrance, the fourchette, the perineum, and the anus. This section will lay out Kerner’s techniques for how to get her aroused with foreplay, how to make her orgasm with cunnilingus, and how to continue the fun after she orgasms with after-play. Foreplay You can stimulate each of these parts during sex for maximum pleasure, but you’ve got to set the stage and plan on the right acts, which is what you’ll learn next. Lesson 3: Don’t just think of sex in terms of foreplay and intercourse, it’s about foreplay, coreplay, and moreplay.

Just take, for example, the very act of sex! Men get almost all pleasure from penetration, but women can do better off without it. Penetration, in fact, will almost never lead to female orgasm. Sadly, many men – and women – are woefully ignorant of female anatomy in general and about women’s genitalia in particular. Some people refer to the clitoris as the happy maker, orgasm switch, or love button. That might make it seem easy to simply push it to give a woman an orgasm, but it’s more complex than that.We’ll dive in what to do in your romantic relationships, in your career, in your personal life, and most importantly, in your own mind. If you’re familiar with ancient Greek plays, you’ll know that they’re structured into different dramatic acts. Similarly, the process of female arousal has a defined dramatic structure with a beginning, middle and an end. Regardless of their tremendous efforts, some women get little in return. They feel used. They get men that keep flaking out, careers that don’t feel meaningful, and possibly a body that starts to feel and look more and more tired. Did you ever notice that burnout tends to afflict women much more often than men? There’s a reason for that, as you’ll learn. If you think that size matters – you can’t be further from the truth! Not just size – penetration doesn’t matter either as far as women are concerned. Science says that female orgasm is something which happens only after clitoral stimulation.

Fantasize together—talk about the things you both crave and incorporate them into your next session. For example, lingerie, restraints, candles, music, and so on.Coreplay should be an uninterrupted process, but it can be broken down into stages so that it’s easier to understand. You might have seen and met her. She’s the woman who is self-employed, doing the thing she loves, and making a living off of it. She’s the woman who might have decided to have a normal career, with a twist. It’s the type of career she enjoys and she is actually appreciated for the hard work and hours she puts into it. When she speaks, others listen, even the men in her office with overinflated egos. Her job almost never feels like work and is deeply fulfilling. It doesn’t cost her energy; she gets energy from it. When she wakes up, she can’t wait to get started with her day. Forgotten the title or the author of a book? Our BookSleuth is specially designed for you. Visit BookSleuth So, if you are a thinking man and a heterosexual – or a thinking homosexual woman – you better listen!