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Terri Cole: I don’t think it is. And, and what’s wrong with having a friggin preference? Knowing your preferences, your desires, and your deal-breakers, literally, that is what makes you uniquely you. So where did we get it in our minds that if we are to share our preferences that we’re burdening another person or that there’s something wrong with us? So, compatibility, is actually getting along, talking about real things, compromising, meeting in the middle, having respect for each other, having effective communication, all of those things? That’s real compatibility. In summary: The Boundary Boss Base tool is similar to the Loft tool, however there are some differences which may affect which one you to choose to use. The Boundary tool is more commonly used when creating surface geometry. This is because both sets of boundary curves (defined in direction 1 & 2) can have a tangent type applied to them, which allows you to make the edges of the boundary surface tangent to surrounding surfaces. You can also control the influence of tangency type in both directions, which is great for patching open areas in a surface model. So, let’s make the distinction between preferences, desires, and deal-breakers. Preferences are things that could go either way. It’s like a nice to have, right? I would, I would like it but it’s really like I have a preference to have coffee over tea. Most of those things are not like relationship ending, earth-shattering, but they’re still important that you know what they are and that where you can, you honor them. Why shouldn’t you get what you want as much as possible if it’s not trampling on someone else, right? Melody Wilding: Many people have misconceptions about boundaries. Can you explain how you define boundaries?
It also strengthens your ability to stay grounded in this present moment, which minimizes concerns about the future or a preoccupation with the past. Your real presence energizes any part of your life you decide to focus it on. Marie Forleo: In this episode of MarieTV, we do have some adult language. So if you have little ones around, grab your headphones now. I’m sharing my personal story to becoming a boundary boss™ (and how you can too!) in this episode. It includes working with supermodels, being diagnosed with cancer, and more.Since becoming a Boundary Boss is a process, Cole also offers actionable strategies, scripts, and techniques that can be used in the moment, whenever you need them. You will learn: Since becoming a boundary boss is a process, Cole also offers actionable strategies, scripts, and techniques that can be used in the moment, whenever you need them. You will learn: The most successful and satisfied people on the planet have one thing in common: the ability to create and communicate clear, healthy boundaries. This ability is, hands down, the biggest game changer when it comes to creating a healthy, happy, self-determined life.
How your unique “Boundary Blueprint” is unconsciously driving your boundary behaviors, and strategies to redesign it Marie Forleo: So rich. Let’s talk preferences, desires, and deal-breakers. Because all relationships, right, they, they do require some give and take. I think this can probably show up, perhaps, most profoundly in our intimate relationships, but any significant relationship, whether that’s family or colleague or friendship. What are these distinctions and why are they so important to understand, especially as we’re on this journey to becoming a boundary boss? Marie Forleo: Yeah. And it doesn’t lead us to peace and it doesn’t lead us to freedom, and it doesn’t lead us to allowing other people the space and the grace to live their lives and take care of themselves. I love it. Terri Cole: It’s like, people feel, women in particular, feel like if their partner says, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” or, “That’s like ridiculous,” or, “That’s not what I’ve said,” or, “I didn’t mean that,” you know, “That’s not the way that I meant it,” or, “I’m not going to do the thing you just asked me because it doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t get it.”
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Moving on to the Boundary Boss Base tool– the first thing we will look at is the property manager. Instead of having the options to define profiles, we are presented with a ‘Direction 1’ and ‘Direction 2’ Dialogue box. We can select our profiles in either one of these boxes. We’d suggest selecting your profiles in the ‘Direction 1’ box.
So, understanding that the, the beginning you might react, you might have this very energized sort of overreaction when you finally say something because you’re so waiting for someone to be defensive or to be mean or to do something. So you’re like, “Yeah, Betty, I’m…” Betty is like, “Holy crap, I did not know that was coming.” But you will find your place in the middle. So, we do a lot of sort of role-playing in the book so that you’re able to say it. And why do we do that? And what is that about? And part of it is really looking at your life experiences and that there is something in there for us. I know for me, I really like helping people, I actually still do, but now I do it healthily not at the expense of myself. Once I got over my insecurities I actually learned a lot about boundary setting from Terri Cole. I heard this quote (I don't know where I heard/read it but a google search tells me its by Kristen Neff) which changed my approach towards this book. "Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you're good enough, self-compassion asks what's good for you." I am what I tell myself I am, if I stop seeing myself as the victim then I can go ahead and apply all the productive tools Terri Cole suggests in setting boundaries. Since having read the book I've noticed I'm more honest with my boundaries and I don't feel as guilty as I would have before, about setting them. I can still have boundaries and be in service to people, these 2 principles can go hand in hand, you just have to be smart about managing expectations.Marie Forleo: Like a sense of neutrality and a sense of clarity and a sense of firmness, but not necessarily a machete, right? Shadow addiction and secondary gains. When you use alcohol, work, excessive workout to numb yourself and to avoid feeling/dealing your feelings, that’s a shadow addiction. But you, you’ll get better at it the more that you do and you’ll find your style. And I know not everyone will do it with humor so… But I peppered that throughout. Because I find that you can just say when Bob says, “How much money do you make?” You know, you can say, you know… Or, “What are you doing on your personal day?” Let’s say. If he says, “How much money do you make?” You can say, “Trust me, Bob, not nearly what I’m worth.” Right? You’re not answering. Or, “What are you doing? You took off tomorrow, what are you doing?” “That’s why they call it a personal day, Bob.” Right? Marie Forleo: So, Terri, I think Marie spoke into what a lot of us can feel from time to time. So for Marie or anyone else watching who feels the same way she does, what do you say? How do we start to peel into this?
Inner Child. When you are young and your need is not met, you are likely to make a decision from that 5-year child’s perspective. Try to attend your inner child. I voluntarily read and reviewed an advance copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own. And then finally, I was like, “This is the dumbest thing ever. Why am I doing this?” And I said to him, “Hey, I don’t know why, but if you are not there, it makes me feel like crap. This makes no sense. But can you just do me a favor and just, I’d like to make a simple request that you work to just be there before the train pulls in.” He’s like, “Of course, okay.” Now, he’s an easygoing Pisces. He’s 10 years older than me. So I’m not saying every person’s person is going to be as mellow as my husband.It is possible for us to have our ‘Guide Curve Influence’ affect all connections (global) or just the connector where the guide curve resides.
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