Emergency Questions: 1001 conversation-savers for any situation

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If you could travel back to medieval times, what single object would you take with you that would guarantee that you would be made queen/worshiped as a god? If you were only allowed to have twelve bones in your body, and no kinds of implants to substitute for the others, which twelve of your bones would you elect to keep? I’m about as resolute a sceptic as you’re liable to, well, encounter, so the answer is unsurprisingly no. Over and above anyone else, Boris Johnson for that ‘best way to honour Jo Cox is deliver Brexit’ remark. Artificial Intelligence: If a genie granted you three wishes, but one of the conditions was that you had to make one of your enemies happy, who would you choose and why?

And if so, would you risk tasting his briny essence to confirm his identity or would you prefer to remain a cucumber coward? Do you ever worry that you have already lived your life and are now in a care home with Alzheimer’s disease and what you perceive as reality is just a distorted memory of the first time this happened? If an older version of you came back from the future and gave you advice about what you should do with your life, would you take the advice or assume that the you from the future was evil and trying to screw you over?

If you had to have sex with an animal, if you had to, what animal would you have sex with, if you had to?

If there are ever sex robots, as any right-thinking person hopes, would they be self-cleaning or would there be another small robot that would clean the sex robot or would there be a person whose job was to clean out the sex robot before the next person used it? If you could burn one building to the ground (without harming anyone or being prosecuted for arson), which edifice would you torch? Would you rather date a woman who was a 6-foot tall vulva, or a woman who instead of having a vagina had another tiny woman in her place? e., you could smell any environment from the past or future, but not something specific; you would – your sense of smell would travel in time, but nothing else would) or have a free pineapple delivered to your door every day for the rest of your life (and that will be delivered at 7:00am wherever you are in the world and the people won’t wake you up; it will just be left outside your door), but there will be a fresh pineapple waiting for you wherever you are?Does sex with a robot count as cheating if the robot is an exact copy of your partner in looks and personality?

Many years later it was damaged during student house party hi-jinks and subsequently discarded, to the dismay of Beatle completists everywhere. If you could have any superpower, would you use it to become president of the world, or to make sure there’s always a plentiful supply of avocados? Do you think Scrooged would be a better film if Bill Murray learned nothing from the ghosts and stayed just as he was at the start?If you had to do a human centipede with two other people, if you had to, but you could choose the two other people, and you’re in the middle, who would you choose? There’s a lot more about Timothy Claypole in my look at the little-seen Rentaghost Christmas Special Rentasanta here, and a look at Sir George Uproar’s heartwarming seasonal antics in the corresponding The Ghosts Of Motley Hall special The Christmas Spirit in Can’t Help Thinking About Me here. Or have you been like me, and I only put on proper trousers last weekend because we had guests come around, and I didn’t know them quite well enough to be just wearing my grey jogging bottoms? I’m fairly certain that this particular towel ultimately ended up wrapped around a slow-leaking radiator valve in my bedroom, subsequent to which it presumably found its way into the bin. Would you rather have a fold-out table that grew out of your rib cage and which could be put up and down in mere seconds, or a stretchy back skin which could be pulled over your head to act as a makeshift bivouac?