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Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-free Parenting

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Therefore, it’s one of our key parenting goals to create opportunities for closeness, connection and relationship building every day (e.g. family mealtime, special time, play, conversations, walks, etc.). If you can read a book and take the good while leaving the bad, then this book is worth reading. If you're the kind of person who falls head-over-heels for a parenting philosophy and then treats it like the Bible, then please avoid this book because you will become a completely demented person (like the woman in a FB mom group who recommended this to me). In Calm Parents, Happy Kids, Dr Laura Markham introduces an approach to parenting that eliminates threats, power struggles and manipulation, in favour of setting limits with empathy and communication.

Calm Parents, Happy Kids will transform your experience of parenting. Relying on a combination of up-to-the-minute brain science and the kind of practical wisdom so often missing from parenting books, Dr Laura tells you not only the ‘why’ of children’s behaviour but also ‘how’ to have calm parents and happy kids . Melissa Hood, Founder of The Parent Practice, the UK’s leading parent support company I am kind-hearted and not a yeller by nature and with my strong willed/high emotional needs child, I was feeling overwhelmed and at the end of my rope. Yelling and spanking were being suggested to me to deal with my son and it didn't feel right and it wasn't working! Now I know that I can be my loving self and I have the tools to work with my son in a way that doesn't ask me to change myself in negative ways (harden my heart and just become more strict, etc.) Thank you. I wish I had found this book when my son was an infant. At least we get to start going in a positive direction at 3 1/2 years. My husband has also completely jumped on board and I am so in love with all the positive changes he has made. Empathic limits has strengthened our entire family relationship. If you're a mom like me, then you need to do yourself and your children a favor and read this book. Life changing! How many time parents/ caregivers (and I) have said "I wish kids came with a manual", well now you have the manual! Laura Markham has made it possible. Whether you have an an idea of what you are doing and just want reassurance, or you just don't have a clue and wish for the best possible outcome for your children, Laura Markham has it sussed!

Coaching, Not Controlling. This final section is the longest and focuses on the three main ways you interact with your children: emotion coaching, loving guidance, and supporting mastery. A quote right at the beginning hits the nail on the head, I think: “It’s certainly more convenient to shush or threaten an upset child than to help her process her emotions” (91). More convenient for us, perhaps, but not effective in the long run, or good for our relationship. Get support in working through old issues . Raising kids is tough work, so make sure you ask for help when you struggle emotionally (even if that involves just talking with a friend). Question for you – what are your triggers? How can you become more mindful of them? Connection is the secret to happy parenting

Children don’t know how to express their big emotions, so they act them out. We often view this as bad behavior, but really they need help processing their complicated feelings (117) Parents need all the help they can get to be the kind of parent they want to be, and to use parenting skills that influence their children to be good citizens sibling relationship throughout your children's lives. I know that I will highly recommend this book to all my clients.

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids might seem like a lengthy book at first glance but it is divided into three sections which makes it much easier to digest. Each section is broken down further into pointed topics which are designed to help you master peaceful parenting. The division of topics is perfect, giving the reader the opportunity to let the research, the advice, and the real-life application techniques a chance to soak in. I've searched high and low for parenting guidance that is sensible, simple, effective and adaptable. That does not heap guilt upon me. That strikes a chord so it's easy to remember when I need it most. I have found it in Dr. Laura Markham. My relationship with my 4 year old has improved 1000 fold since trying your methods. The way you teach this simple message of love has made it revolutionary for me. Yes! In any kind of relationship, we cannot control other people. We can only influence. And as Hal Runkel noted in Screamfree Parenting, we can only become leaders for our kids and influence them only when we are in control of ourselves:

When it’s your turn to decide what to do, initiate games that build emotional intelligence and bonding (e.g. wrestle, pillow-fight, “bumbling monster”, role-play with stuffed animals, etc.), Dr. Laura Markham is a mother herself, so she understands how hard parenting is, and she knows how to make science and theory into practical tips and scripts for busy parents. Sometimes we yell, sometimes we use a naughty step and sometimes our kids need a firm consequence. It’s all ok if we balance it with love, acceptance and empathy. As a parenting coach, I know that sibling struggles can be heart-wrenching for parents. Dr. Laura's strategies are right on the money to help today's parents create more peaceful homes - and stronger sibling relationships. Great work!The other thing that rubs me wrong about this book is the constant appeal to "science." According to Markham, after 10,000 years, we have finally figured out how to raise well-adjusted human beings, and this book is the summary of those findings. Her suggestions are very precise, and her insinuations that your child will be messed up forever if you don't follow her method are not subtle. It is truly amazing the tips this book doles out though. It says let the child lead the relationship emotionally. Yikes! It also gives many examples about why you shouldn't punish and turn things into playfulness to match underlying needs (don't get me started on how need fulfillment doesn't align with her other claims that kids are just trying to learn boundaries). One great example is if your kid were to say, look you in the eyes and throw food, you should drop what you're doing and play with them for 1-2 minutes because what they really need is connection with their parents and that will fix the problem. Um, hell no. You know what the kid learns from that? When I throw food, my parents will stop their busy schedule, give me attention and play with me! There are dozens of similar examples in this book and if you put on heavy enough blinders you can nod along with her conclusions but otherwise you may find yourself reaching for advil to deal with idiocy. I honestly wondered throughout this book if there was ever any editors involved to counter her crazy theories. Dr. Laura's work has profoundly changed my parenting...I recommend it to anyone who was raised in a home where they were yelled at and/or have become yellers themselves. There is a better, more effective way to relate to and guide our children. The title really says it all.

My son thanked me this morning for reading this book. He said I am turning into the mom he always wanted. "Even if it means you don't always get your way?" I asked. He replied, "It's easy to learn from my mistakes when you aren't yelling at me about them." I almost burst into tears. This book is amazing, and by reading it I showed him that it is never to late to change your ways. Rather than seeing tantrums as undesirable behavior . . . wise parents understand that their little one is telling them about his experience. From their loving acceptance, he learns that even the most challenging feelings are bearable.” (104) Toddlers don’t enjoy tantrums, their brains are not developed enough to maintain rational control when emotions are high (103) Whether you are just beginning to contemplate having a second child or you are already frustrated by nonstop sibling fighting, this book is for you. IIn this highly anticipated guide, Dr. Markham presents simple yet powerful ways to cut through the squabbling and foster a loving, supportive bond between siblings. You really can stop the fighting and raise children who will be friends for life. PEACEFUL PARENT, HAPPY SIBLINGS includes hands-on, research-based advice on: Teaching your children healthy emotional self-management and conflict resolution skills—so that they can work things out with each other, get their own needs met and respect the needs of others. This book has helped me to connect with my children. It has wonderful information in it on how to be more loving with our children and how to support their emotional needs. I have almost stopped yelling in the house and I feel so much more connected to my boys. I can tell that they feel the same way and are listening to me more. It's amazing. There are so many things I enjoyed about this book. First, while Dr. Laura does not talk down to the reader, she doesn't present information in some esoteric, can't-wrap-your-brain-around-it way either. She is clear and gentle, yet effective in the research and methodology she outlines in the book. Basically, she speaks to your heart in a way that gets it to open up without making you feel horrible about your past shortcomings as a parent. Parent, Happy Siblings masterfully coaches parents on how to honor each child's experience, set limits, reduce conflict, and build skills for life.

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